Tips from a Barista

I just got home from work and there are a few tips that I thought I should maybe share with the general public about how to order in a Starbucks.

First I have to tell you my theory about the Saturday clientele of Starbucks. Saturday is my second least favorite day to work. My first least favorite day to work is Sunday because church people are pure evil. I feel confident that I can say that since I attend church on Sundays. I can not work on Sunday because Church people are simply the worst people to serve. That is the sad truth. The Saturday people are mostly ridiculous though. My theory is as follows: These people are the ones who do not leave their houses throughout the week. On Saturday they are allowed out and get very excited about this. Of course they all come to Starbucks. However, since these people do not get out through the remainder of the week, they have absolutely no social skill at all. They simply cannot function in public, and do not know how to operate in simple social interactions. This is the most unfortunate for the poor Baristas who have to deal with the hordes of socially inept.

Back to the point. Here are a few of my thought regarding proper Saturday Starbucks conduct.

- If it is Saturday, and lined to the back door, please do not make small talk with me while I am on bar. I probably have had to deal with one of the socially inept and am pretty grumpy at this point. I do not do small talk.
- Listen to what I call. I do not like having to call every drink twice because you are not listening to me
- Know what you have ordered. This seems straight forward but remember that we are talking about people who have a little bit of trouble with the concept of common sense.
- Do Not Take Someone Else's Drink.... Really.
-If you are a middle aged woman wearing Lululemon with perfect hair and makeup, and ordering a nonfat, no whip mocha, I will most likely be making fun of you in my head.
-If you order a no foam Cappachino I will openly mock you.
- If you order an Iced Cap, I will give you a map to the nearest Tim Hortons.
- If you are sixteen or under, I will mostly likely not like you to start with - until you can prove that you are worthy of my time.
- Do not coach me on how to make your drink. After a year of making Lattes for picky people like you, I will likely just make you come and make your own bloody drink since I am so incompetent and you know precisely what you are doing.
- Lastly, if it is 1/2 hr. before closing, and you come in with an order of Frappachinos for you and all of your friends, please do not be offended if I wish terrible things upon you.

Happy ordering :)