New tactic

No more guilt trips. I blog when I blog - and Hopefully that will be more than once every five months.

I am finding that as I enter into this new "adult" phase of my life, I am becoming more lazy than ever. My job gives me nothing to look forward to and I feel like it is killing me one brain cell at a time. Paradoxically, the thing that I should be so excited about feels like a chore. I should be eager to fill out my grad school apps, but I am left with no energy after work, so filling out grad school apps has been demoted on my to do list. It falls somewhere below creeping people on facebook and doing nothing.

This is not something that I am proud of. I have a complicated relationship with facebook because I mostly want to delete it. A few months ago I went through my fb friends and deleted 117 friends. Then a little while after that I purged 10-15 more. It feels so good - so cathartic. I can't understand what is stopping me from just divorcing myself from it all together. Some perverted interest in the lives of people I barely know.

Aside from my current state of lethargy, I am going to SE Asia for two and a half months. I am very excited about this trip and I am expecting that it is going to be one of those seminal, life-altering moments. I am equal parts scared out of my mind and shaking with excitement. It is the thing that occupies most of my brain-space while I am at work. For my birthday, my parents bought me a Thai cooking class. It was amazing! I loved every second of it and I ate so much that I nearly had to roll out of the store. If the real Thai food is anything like what we made (and I suspect it is... or better), I am going to spend three-quarters of the time I am there just eating!

I am hoping that this apathy that I am feeling will dissipate in the fall. At Cafe Crema, a small and amazing cafe that is located dangerously close to my house, there are Philosophy and Poetry classes every thursday night. This will be an amazing way to get my mind back in the game. I have really felt this graduation - and I feel like I am cheating somehow, as I am not preparing for another school year. I applied for a job tutoring high school students this semester and I am really hoping I get it! I need something to revive my energy and spirit.